I can’t even begin to say how sad I am and the fact that I have to hide my thoughts kills me. I hate my house, No one is happy and everyone wants to blame him. Did you know it’s my words comming out of his mouth because i am to afraid to speak them first? Did you know that I hide in my room to stay out of the brittle air of hate. I walk on glass to make people happy and it never works.
I hate that you act like a child. I hate that you bring my child into it like you always have. What do you think it does to her watching this war that we are in. I love you but its my decision that I want you to go. Not because i dont love you but because one day i want to like you again. I want freedom. That does not make me bad that means i am taking what is mine, and that is what little of a life i have.
Before long i will hate you, i am working on it now and i dont want to. Before long i wont speak even when i want to show you something, because it will be useless. Before long she will move out and hate me and him because we let you go, because we forced you out then i will have lost a child just as you are now. Im trying to stop the big pain that will happen later by dealing with and putting a stop to it now.
I hate my life, its not your fault, But you are not helping. When one of my children fers you and hates you because you treat them like shit on your shoe. The other one watches one of you die and has closed herself off to you because it wont change. And the other, your favorite, worships you both and wants to fix it all. You tell her what you want her to hear, what you thik you are going to do, why. dont you know she crys? dont you kow this is not her war and never was. it was never supposed to be a war. I cant look at you. You are dying and he is silent. Ive lost you both yet you are both breathing. And you know what… IT WAS ALWAYS MY WORDS. I was to weak to say them, He has to be strong for me. He had to be my voice. And now 3 of you hate him. because of me. Its grandpa all over.
Be silent, that fine. Please know I want you to move out, but not where i will never see you again. I wont see you for awhile but i cant help it. Im sad, so are you, i hate this, so do you, please save something here. It may seem mean what im saying but you know it is all true. I dont hate you. I actually love you. Yet I dont doubt that you will never believe me again. And one lasst time for good measure, Every conversation he has with you. Its started with me. so direct all of your hatered to the right person.